That’s it. I’m going to confess him. It’s more than enough hiding it away from him for almost six years. Being torn between the fact that I love my own brother-like best friend that made me feel betraying him, and the fact that I can’t hold this anymore. People are right, hidden love is torturing. And here I am, heading to the Kwon’s residence after struggling over -what if- things, including..
“What if he hates me after I tell him that I love him?”
That’s the last thing I want, very last that I almost gave up just to think about it. I determine enough now, I’ll let him at least know that I’m not only saw him as an Oppa. Being loved back or simply hated by him is the matter to be taken of later. I just want to tell him, to be honest toward he, I found it’s not fair for him not knowing the truth. That for this past six years, I’ve been the worst best friend ever who fall for him, and kept it a secret due the fear of being hated.
It’s not like I haven’t tried giving him signals, i have, I tell you, a lot!
“Oppa, you’re always gonna be beside me right??” a 13 years old Yeon Hee asked a 14 years old Ji Yong shyly.
“Of course!” he answered steadily.
“As?” she asked again, hoping a better answer than bestfriend.
“As Kwon Ji Yong! Who else do you think?” he answered again half shuttering.
“Gomawo, oppa..” she smiled, disappointed. Sometimes she found Kwon Ji Yong has a very thick skin made him a bit insensitive, that must be ones of it.
~~~~
“Are you dating her, Oppa?” a 15 years old Lee Yeon Hee asked a 16 years old Ji Yong that smug himself in front of his mirror.
“Yeup!” he said happily, once again tidied up his shirt.
“Don’t you now that she has this reputation??” I tried to control my nearly screaming voice.
“what kind of reputation?” he asked without shifting his eyes from the mirror.
“SHE IS A MANEATER OPPA!” I failed, I screamed. I quickly covered up my mouth. He jerked a bit, and moved his eyes into mine.
“Are you being jealous?” he asked as narrowing his eyes.
“I.. I.. I don’t want she eats you..” I told him a stupid lie while shuttering, I slap my forehead after realize it.
“For real? As you don’t feel jealous?” he asked again.
“dangyunhaji!!”
“I will be okay, dongsaeng..” he assured me, his last remark hit me frozen, dongsaeng..
~~~~
“That’s okay.. he deserve it, stop cry now, okay..” a 17 years old Kwon Ji Yong stroking a 16 years old Lee Yeon Hee’s back comforting her after she broke up Sung Min, her first date while she lay her head in Ji Yong’s shoulder, sobbing.
“I mean, he deserve that punch I gave him, not that he doesn’t deserve you, but no, I mean, you don’t deserve him, i..i..” he shuttered and stop when Yeon Hee finally said something between her sobbing.
“I understand, oppa…” she brushed the thought that actually she just using Sungmin to test whether Ji Yong thought her more then a friend, or sister. And now, she felt guilty towards Sungmin, after he told her his feeling towards her is totally pure, that he has no objection toyed by her, just to be with her. The most hurting moment is when he said that he knew from the day 1 she asked him out.
[quote]“Mianhae Sungmin” I said while tears freely escaped my eyes.
“Gwaenchana, I had a happiest 12 days of my life, I regret nothing..” he said smiled.
“Mianhae..” now I had stream in my cheeks
“I told you gwaenchana.. I could wait until you forget about him, and start a new page, with me” he assured me as he took my hands.
“Mianhae.. I can’t do this, you deserve better than me. I can only hurt you, mianhae..” I tried to control my shaking voice.
“It’s okay.. just let me know if he dares to make you cry, I’ll give him a lesson.. but first I’ll take my lesson, for made you crying like this..” he said without any anger. He cupped my wet cheek and showed me his back, left me alone for not more then 3 minutes.
“Here.. ice creams a huge soothing effect, especially for the aching heart, or guilty?” he shoved a baskin robbin chocolate chips cone, my favorite. He bent over his knee, looking straight in my eyes.
“Slap me..” he said.
“what?” I asked confused
“slap me..” he took my free hand, “like this..” he run my hand over his cheek.
“I’ve got my punishment then..” he smiled, got up his feet, showed his back and took his steps away.
I watched his back going further, my cheeks were not dry yet, they’re wetter now. I stood up and run after him, I hugged him from his back, “Gomawo..gomawo..Oppa” he touched my hand, patted them several times, there’s an awkward silence between us.
“Kal ka..” he said, I felt my hand wet, is he cried?
He left me basking in guilty without looking back, what I’m expect?? [/quote]
And Sungmin still got a punch from Ji Yong.
~~~~
And don’t forget hundreds encouragement texts I’ve sent him, like
“You can do it, Oppa!! Saranghae~~” when he participated a hiphop rap battle, or..
“bogoshipo, Oppa..” when he was in State attending his uncle’s wedding.
I take a deep breath, a deep deep deep deeeeeeeep breaths when the bus that will give me a nervous ride to the Kwon’s residence. I take the bus intentionally, just in case I cry after the confession; I’ll have no Mr. Shin who’ll tell Mom.
How can a 10 minutes ride felt like forever..?
Here I am, finally.
Stand up in front of the gate of Kwon’s residence, waiting for Mr. Kim to open the gate.
“Lovely as always, Miss. Lee..” greeted Mr. Kim kindly. I smiled for reply.
I found aunty in the back yard, doing her favorite activity, gardening. I took a silent step, and hugged her from the back.
She gasped in shock, and pinches my hands in her stomach, “Aigoo Yeon Hee!” I smiled and cupped her cheeks soundly.
She did the same.
“Ji Yong is not around dear...” she told me out of the blue.
“I’m not looking for him, Aunt…” I hide my blushing face.
“Aigoo.. as if you can lie to me..” she teased without noticing my blush. “He’s at the park, he said he has some errand to do... Just call him; he will be here in a minute”
“I’ll just catch him up aunty...” I said when I realize I didn’t bring my cellphone.
“And you said you were not looking for him” she teased again, I cupped her once again.
I did a jumping walk just to soothe this bursting heart. I headed straight to the park aunty mentioned, “It’s closer then before” I said to my self.
A smile formed as I see Ji Yong not far from me, I hide behind the tree so I could surprise him.
That smile still formed in my lips until..
--------------------------------------------------
[JI YONG POV]
That’s it. I’m going to confess her. It’s more than enough hiding it away from her for almost forever since I knew her, for how long? 10 years? 12? From the first I saw her in my Omma’s friend’s baby shower. She was six years old then, with chubby cheeks and pony tail.
Being torn between the fact that I love my own sister-like best friend that made me feel betraying her, and the fact that I can’t hold this anymore. People are right, hidden love is torturing. I decided to put all the –what if- things behind. Including the hardest..
“What if she hates me after I tell her that I love her?”
That’s the last thing I want, very last that I almost gave up just to think about it. I determine enough now, I’ll let her at least know that I’m not only saw her as a Dongsaeng. Being loved back or simply hated by her is the matter to be taken of later. I just want to tell her, to be honest toward her; I found it’s not fair for her not knowing the truth. I’ve been the worst best friend ever who fall for her, and kept it a secret due the fear of being left by her.
It’s just like a movie, all the things happened rewinds..
“Oppa, you’re always gonna be beside me right??” a 13 years old Yeon Hee asked a 14 years old Ji Yong shyly.
“Of course!” I answered steady.
“As?” she asked again. As? As what she meant? Come on brain, work!
“As Kwon Ji Yong! Who else do you think?” I answered; I hope she didn’t notice my shaking voice due my nervous.
“Gomawo, oppa..” she smiled. If only I could say a better word. I could have confessed her.
~~~~
“Are you dating her, Oppa?” a 15 years old Lee Yeon Hee asked a me.
“Yeup!” I said happily, as tidied up my shirt. I hope my teasing tone not so clear.
“Don’t you now that she has this reputation??” she said again, half hissed. Is she..?
“what kind of reputation?” I asked again as I eyeing her thru the mirror.
“SHE IS A MANEATER OPPA!” She screamed and covered her mouth.
“Are you being jealous?” I asked, now I’m being obvious. Say yes, please…
“I.. I.. I don’t want she eats you..” she answered, and then slap her own forehead.
“For real? As you don’t feel jealous?” I asked again, half insisting her, to be jealous, I know, it was absurd, but I just can help it.
“dangyunhaji!!”
“I will be okay, dongsaeng..” I assured her, and let out a sighs, if only..
~~~~
“that’s okay.. he deserve it, don’t cry again, okay..” a 17 years old Kwon Ji Yong stroking a 16 years old Lee Yeon Hee’s back comforting her after she broke up Sung Min, her first date while she lay her head in my shoulder, sobbing.
“I mean, he deserve that punch I gave him, not that he doesn’t deserve you, but no, I mean, you don’t deserve him, i..i..”I shuttered and stop when she finally said something between her sobbing.
“I understand oppa…” I kept stroking her back and now, her head. My memory wanders out..
[quote] I saw her there, with Sungmin guy, her first date. I crossed my arm, soothing a jealousy feeling inside.
I’m not stalking them or so, but.. I just am being a good oppa for her. As long as she happy, I think I can endure this jealousy.
Yeon Hee and Sungmin guy started dating 12 days ago. I heard Sungmin is a good boy, but, who knows?? Yeon Hee is pretty, yet *cough* hot *cough*. What? Don’t look at me like that; I just was giving my opinion as a normal guy.
Wait, what was that?? Tears? HE MADE HER CRY?
What the heck! I can’t hold this anymore, she’s been a good friend for like forever, and I bet she’ll be a better girlfriend and a best wife. Okay, I had enough, I’ll stop my blabbering.
I tightened my fist just to hold my emotion, I’m sure I’ll give him a lesson, but not in front of her.
What the!! HE KISSED HER!! And made his way.
What the heck. I’ll get him!
Is it okay if I come out from nowhere and give him a goo punch? What if Yeon Hee sees me? Will she thinks me as a stalker? What if..? Damn it!
I stomped my way to her, before I could take another step closer, I saw him back.
I hide as fast as I could panicky.
He squatted in front of Yeon Hee, what is he doing?
YOU GO GIRL! She is slapped him.
I kept my self locked in my own –don’t punch him in front of yeon hee- set of mind. But I cant stand this anymore longer when I saw him walk away like that after she hugged him.
I made a little round, so Yeon Hee wouldn’t see me and the next thing I know, my fist is already in his cheek.
“STOP MEETING HER!” I yelled him.
[/quote]
I should punch him more.
~~~~
At least I have to know what I’m goin to tell her, rite?
Dealing with a girl you love, but unfortunately is your sister-like best friend, is just like a slippery wine glass, hold it tight, you’ll broke it and cut your self. You hold it lose, it’ll slip and broke in to pieces and you’ll never have it again.
I don’t want both happen, so I need a plan, or at least a practice.
I grabbed my phone, checking it if Yeon Hee sent me a texts with love line in it. Like “saranghae” or “bogoshipo“. If only she meant it.
I smiled over lots of old love line texts that she has sent, I never erase them, esp the one she sent when I was in State, it has “bogoshipo” on it.
I rush of idea hit me. I need a help from girl. Girls know better of them selves, rite? Just before I could find a name, my phone vibrates. It’s from Yubin Nuna.
“Yeoboseyo? Nuna? Waeyo?”
“Ji Yong ah, I need your help!!”
“what is it about nuna?”
“Tabi..”
“ahhh.. Arasso, meet me at the park, okay?”
Actually, Yubin is in a same age with me, but she is dating TOP hyung rite now, so I call her nuna. Well, I don’t know whether they’re dating or not. But they look good together, and apparently it was me who introduced them to each other.
“I’ll go to the park mom!” I yelled out to my mom, who is busy doing her routine.- gardening.
“drive safely!” she shouted back.
====
IN THE PARK
[3rd person POV]
“there you are!” Ji Yong surprised Yubin who waited him while took a deep thinking.
“Jiyong ah!! Glad you’re here!” she stood up, “Look, I need your help! Be Tabi!” she demanded
“What?” asked Jiyong confused.
“be Tabi!” she said once again.
“what? You mean…”
“pretending, duh!” she cut him off.
“what for?”
“I’m going to confess Tabi..” she said steady.
Jiyong just laugh.
“What are you laughing of??” she felt offend
“Just before you called, I had the same idea, practicing with girl..”
“You mean..?”
“I’m going to confess Yeon Hee..”
They both laughed off.
They are now a team, a going-to-confess team. They’re practicing each other line.
“I.. I .. I have to go..” Yubin sighed for the umpteenth times found how lame her math classmate is.
“could you be more lame??” she pitied him.
“I’m nervous okay!” he snapped her.
“Just say what I told you earlier!” she snapped him back
“OKAY!!” he took a deep breath, “here I go, you are Yeon hee, okay? I’m Jiyong, Kwon Jiyong, of course I am, who else, there’s no..”
“Just stop your rambling!”
“OK..kal ka..” he started, “I know, maybe it’s shocking, I might be the lamest guy who are too timid to confess it to you earlier, but ..whatevs! I LOVE YOU”
“I LOVE YOU TOO!!” Yubin took Jiyong’s hands, they’re jumped forming a circle, celebrating their practice, not aware that not far from them, there’re wet eyes watching them.
[Yeon Hee POV]
“I LOVE YOU”
“I LOVE YOU TOO!!” Yubin took Jiyong’s hands and they’re jumping in joy.
I froze, my heart hurts, my eyes wet.
If only I told him earlier. I turned my head, I couldn’t see this anymore longer. I made a best decision not having Mr. Shin here.
I wiped my tears that won’t stop, and made a backward step.
But unfortunately, I bumped to a board chest. I turn my head, and saw Top sunbae there.
“at least they are basking in happiness rite now” he said flatly, without taking his eyes off from them.
“Sunbae?” I called him out, he looked at me surprised.
“I think we’re in the same condition, aren’t we?” he asked a giving me his handkerchief and gestured me to wipe away the tears.
“Can you take me to where ever far from here?” I asked TOP sunbae between my sob.
“That’s what I need rite now.” He said as he dragged me to his car.
We drove off the park without knowing where we’re gonna go or what we gonna do. As the wheel kept rolling, as Top Sunbae kept concentrate on his driving, as that we both shackles in silent. Keeping our mind busy with something but the accident in the park back then, I don’t know with Top Sunbae, but me, my self, I kept cursing inside. Why is everything happened just like that, how I don’t want to saw that scene, is as big as how I want to be happy for JiYong oppa.
If only I could tell him earlier, this hurting scratches’ wont be bating my heart, or at leat that what I think. I closed my eyes just to stop my pouring tears, but every time I close my, it seems like I have a big screen inside my eyelids, showing the same scene I’ve ever watched over and over again.
“Gwaenchanayo?” a voice that should be Top Sunbae’s startled my silent sobbing.
“Gwaenchana” I lied, I know he can see thru my stabbed heart, coz he might be felt the same for Yubin.
I closed my eyes again, as if everything could never happened once I opened them, but again and again, the scene was rolling..
The same guy, the same me, the same love, the same stupid fear, the same if only’s, the same just the same, the only thing made difference is, I know for sure that I will never tell him.
Blam.
I heart the sound of closed car’s door, I opened my eyes.
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